Have you not seen/read/been transformed by the work of my sisters?

Okay, this is part one of my attempt to unpack everything that went wrong at the Women’s Media Summit. I say this with hesitation because they funded about 1/4th of me & Winter’s plane tickets. And they funded some of my amigas & hermanas to attend. And in the thick of it, when I sort of have a mini-breakdown when Sydette and another amiga were speaking about the safety of their very lives..I started to see this white hazy cloud over around the whole room. I had to leave, go outside with Winter, ground myself, look at the leaves, throw sticks down holes, inspect hiding places under bushes. Because they just could not get it, see, they could not get it. And they just could not fucking get it and it was ridiculous and fucked up to be sitting in a place where they just did not fucking get it, the validity of your work, your identity, your safety. And in the thick of it, I asked myself if I could leave and reasoned I could not because I could not afford to pay back the money if it was asked of me.

I say this when mamis like me, “one person” bloggers, an uneducated single mami down “really close” to Mexico never get funded to speak, attend or go to conferences. But I feel it is still important to be critical-even if the power dynamics are skewed, if to achieve any semblance/feign of equality on their part and for us, to realize the importance of taking “ownership” of what is ours, and to make note of the ways we are still still tokenized when asked to sit at their table. To understand where they are coming from, where this “movement” is headed.

This is my media right, that I’m making, right?

The night before it was to start, I was met at the airport by Mamita Mala and her oldest daughter. I was glad she waited around for me because even though we were both supposed to be getting shuttles, I asked for verification of this and never got it. Her flight arrived earlier than mine by I think 2 hours and she waited around for me. It was Winter’s first airplane ride. She was scared then bored for the flight to Dallas then Dallas to Detroit.

We had woken up at about 4am to catch a 6am flight and were dead tired, but still I wanted to look over the actual agenda and mission of the summit. What was it about? Why was it happening?

These are some of the problematic language I saw:

In the agenda the use of the words opening “ritual.” The use of the term “alter” (I think they meant altar) when in reality they were describing a swap table.

We were to “create a collective timeline” to “map women’s media movement.” A timeline was drawn on a long butcher paper, which started at 1965. 1965! 1965! What what?

The major point, up front, was funding. The other f word-feminism, feminist-woah. I’m hoping someone else blogs about this because I came in when this discussion was already taking place (Winter didn’t want to wake up. Don’t schedule a conference to start at 7:45 and expect parents who go with their kids to be there on time) and I felt the tension in the air, mis amigas were sitting close knit style to one side, that’s where I headed. It’s problematic if at the very beginning of this sit down at the table feel they wanted to give, you question women who aren’t feminist or who don’t call themselves feminist is the you’re either with us or you’re not. I know of many mujeres there that don’t identity as feminist. Someone giving an introduction also made a comment about trans women being apolitical (correct me if I’m wrong ya’ll that were there.) Why was it necessary to make this point?

But before I go on to asking all the questions that didn’t get answered, the sinking ship that was explaining (to us?) what woman meant, who’s media we were talking about, who’s movement we were talking about–let me go back to the problematic language with the agenda & mission.

Did I go over this ritual talk? Yes, it reappeared at dinner time too, where we were supposed to take something from the alter(sic). Kids were generously allowed at certain points. (Let me point out that even though on the registration form they asked if we’d take our children, child care was not going to be provided! I didn’t even think to ask until a few days before, because, well common sense, if you ask if you’re gonna take your kids and their ages, it’s because they’re gonna accommodate them, right? Or say “kids welcome at sessions” right? So I asked the women of speak and other mujeres that were going to attend the AMC and might go to this, is there going to be childcare? Maegan asked too, um, well it didn’t say on their site. So we start stressing. We are taking our kids to the AMC because they have a kids track and will work with us with the kids. BFP said she’d take care of all our kids if they didn’t have child care. This didn’t make sense. Nadia, lovely Nadia brought this up to them. Props to Nadia. Have ya’ll given props and love to Nadia? If you haven’t go find her online and on twitter and send her some hardcore love.)

“We all fight the severe lack of resources that constantly gnaw at our daily activity.”

Seriously, they know? Like they know? Or are they talking about 501(3)c media making conglomerates? Because I know whats gnawing at me daily and I don’t think they can begin to grasp that. Or any of the other mujeres there who brought up the many many issues with this “unified” front. A goal of a “unified fund” was the intended mission.

The idea of creating a “database of women’s media organizations” was made. A proposal was made to the Social Science Research Council for money. It was denied the first time around. An economist was brought into the mix. Once funded, and this is really really important. Once funded, they “immediately sought out a new partnering organization rooted in new technologies and African American lead.” Once funded. With a $30,000 grant. I’ll come back to this point later.

A women’s studies class, eight “young women” rescued them in finding media makers for this giant database. Students, I can’t remember if they were grad students or not, in a women’s studies class, armed with making a who’s who of women’s media organizations. Does anyone see how problematic this is?

Collecting this data would move us(who is us?) “out of isolation and united in common cause, we will be able not only to strengthen work at a local grassroots level[seriously? folks gonna come down to volunteer in South Texas?], but also enlarge the picture of women’s media, its reach, and thereby its impact.” Enlarge the picture of women’s media. Mmmm. And it’s impact. Mmm. Out of isolation? Really? To whom?

Further I found this whole paragraph problematic (and keep in mind this was the day before the summit as Speak! members were stapling zines and our girls were tired and hungry, I was asking everyone I came across, evening direct messaging them on twitter, hey did you read that mission, what gives? Did you get it?)

“By knitting together a fabric of our many kinds of media into a warp and woofed whole we automatically strengthen the feminist public sphere. Our words will be louder, our images more brilliant, our analysis on women’s lives will deepen. All of this is to inform and encourage women in communities to tackle vital issues that will improve the conditions in their lives and for their families and communities.”

okay, what? Now I looked up woof and, keep in mind, I come from a very isolated town way down south “really really close to the border”-high school dropout- and I think in spanish sometimes and some words only come in Spanish and sometimes I can’t think straight[straight is overrated, AMC team -0 represent], but I asked folks and we couldn’t understand this. We strengthen the feminist public sphere. What about the mujeres who don’t have that aim, what does that mean? What public sphere is this? Who’s sphere, who’s public and who’s the audience?

“Our words will be louder.” Really? How much louder can I get? And how can our words get any louder if it’s all become unified into this magic tapestry? And images brilliant? Have you not seen the work of my sisters? Analysis will deepen? [this. hopefully this happened.]

All of this to inform [seriously? Are we not doing this already? Have you not seen/read/been transformed by the work of my sisters?]

…to tackle vital issues [seriously? Have you not seen/read/been transformed by the work of my sisters?]

… will improve the conditions [seriously? see above.]

All of this is to inform and encourage women in communities to tackle vital issues that will improve the conditions in their lives and for their families and communities.” Because…the mujeres…at a media summit…aren’t doing this already? Please see above.