I went all up and shit w/ someone today who was SO happy mother’s day weekend was coming as since we are *glee* Mexican we get to celebrate it twice. And I was like, why should I be happy? “Because, to celebrate your children” [person was not a mother]. I celebrate with them every day. “well yeah, but this one day” Me: is for others to actually take notice?
The day is making up for the other 364 days that we forget the work of mothering? Mother’s day is essentially the please forgive me for not caring enough to help out/take notice/take you out to eat/buy you flowers (lets hear it for consumerism, google Anna Jarvis) the rest of the year. I’m gonna get you a ring from Kay’s or Jarod’s because the commercial says I have to and I’ll put it on our credit card. Also, mom, we are having a celebration so can you order the cake, invite the people, buy the food, clean the house, decorate and be a gracious host?
This is the one day that it is acceptable to acknowledge motherhood in places of employment, because the rest of the year you better as hell not even think about bringing up the difficulties of mamihood/single mamihood because we simply do not care and do not understand why you just can’t hire a babysitter, calm down, take them to a daycare, budget your money better, go to a kid’s award ceremony on your day off which is a Saturday/sunday or after 5pm, tell them to get sick on the weekends, your preteen had a melt down and lost his homework and you had to talk to his teacher and you smoothed it down and made it all better, who the fuck cares-clock in and shut up. But on mother’s day, we celebrate you oh giver of life. Well la de freaking da no thank you. Now, you may ask well mizz cranky pants, you ranting is nothing new. Believe you me, you haven’t heard enough.
There’s a local conference which interests shout out to me to attend and interact (Hell I haven’t done that in a while right) and I even volunteered to talk about violence against women–if there was childcare.
Was there?
No.
What was the focus this year of this wonderful conference? The border/death wall. I emailed said organizer last year too, because it was a conference that shouted out to me to attend and interact.
Did they have childcare?
No.
My consolation price? Next year’s focus is women’s issues and they will as a matter of fact have child care. Yes you heard right. Because parents
But I forgot that mamihood mandates all other interests left behind (can’t count how many friends I’ve left behind because of mamihood issues, oh wait, did they leave me behind?). Maybe intersectionality and mamihood don’t fit into their definition of what an activist is, or is it only those who can wear the mom sign and leave the kids at home?
((this point at the same don’t leave your friends behind blog really is something- every event should have child care!
Seriously, I cannot even relate to this thinking. I have sat here for about ten minutes trying to understand this way of thinking. And if I was in such a circle where childcare was the NORM would I take it for granted. Not that I don’t agree with it, I totally do. But others advocating for this, advocating for radical parents, it boggles the mind.
How many different things I would be doing in my geo-community if there was child care? How many things I could be providing, interacting with? [don't say that parents have to speak up, interact, organize their own events that have childcare, orchestra the childcare: been there, done that. Won't be going there again] and maybe because of the culture I belong to, with the thinking of extending families being the go to child care, but this just is not true for everyone. I mean isn’t it sad totally fucked up that I have to think, once the kids get older and have afterschool activities or are teenagers I can attend an event [or afford child care-which still leaves the trust issue w/ child care provider to be discussed], I mean seriously.
back to my previous thought because I got all intersected there..
let me break it down:
the border/wall/voices from the border
violence
racism
poverty/class
institionalized racism
gendered violence
homophobia
sexism much?
transphobia
patriarchy
immigrant populations
education & how it relates to poverty et al
hate crimes!
Machismo!
human rights violations
law enforcement abuse
mental health services along the border
disability divide
*obviously not a complete list!
women’s issues:
see above.
And yeah I could write a long letter to the organizers but do I want to invest my time-where I would most likely be doing the leg work, at the very least, re explaining all the needs for childcare minus the expletives? No. It’s late, I have to try to read some of the YA books my kid checked out for me (so we can later discuss them! His idea), I have to wake up early, get the kids clothes, get them breakfast, make sure the homework has been done, make sure their hair is set, shoes are matching, remind them they are loved, get ready, fix my lunch, make myself presentable. .. and so forth. and even now, I feel I’ve put in way too much time in a issue I’ve already discussed ad nauseum.
Hermana, Resist is a personal, political zine with literary tendencies which manifest in forms of poetry, free verse, haiku, short stories, journal entries, rants, raves, critiques, commentaries, photos, recipes and dreamy manifestos. 
It’s been awhile since I laughed out loud and then was enraged and then was in deep thought and then shaking my head and then thinking “right on…” in the space of minutes.
As a new mami, I am just now being opened to all the “sorry no childcare” excuses and it is beyond infuriating.
Thanks for this hermana.
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU!!! This is a wonderful piece, and I hope that everyone I know reads this.
I do not have children of my own, but I want to share with you a bit of my story as a child. Before I was an active advocate, back when I was at my worst (I have an ASD and PTSD), My mother was an advocate. In fact, she taught me about the importance of Social Justice, and of standing up for what is right.
But because of the same issue you mention, I found my self sitting in the back of rooms,of meetings, with a book and open ears. I don’t know that they knew I was paying attention and learning, but that might have more to do with my disability than their inattentiveness. And these events that I sat in the back of rooms for? Were usually about issues surrounding children with special needs.
I was lucky- I found the conferences and meetings interesting, and found myself learning (and even eventually presenting) at them. but I met other kids who didn’t. They spent their days stuck in Hotel rooms, watching TV. In fact, the only way I knew they even existed was when their mothers and my mother would have dinners together in te evenings, and then the kids would come out.
At the time, I could not understand why a person would come someplace and then ignore it. It made no sense to me. But as I grew, I realized eventually that they were not like me, they did not enjoy this, and that their mothers didn’t have any other option.
I have one more thing to say- even if you aren’t a mother, keep an eye out for the kid in the corner reading, or playing video games or on a laptop. If you see them, find out if the mother would like to request child care, and stand by her in support of it.
The next generation of leaders will thank you.
your blog is back! and what an important post! just when I was feeling alienated this mothersday – truer words were never said – thank you noemi!
I want your never more true, intensely powerful words tattooed on my back. I would then be topless for the rest of my life. This should go out en masse to every event, conference, organization- period- starting with hallmark. Thank you for this today.
This amor is the story of my life and our lives and we know this! Ugh. Thank you thank you.
I understand! Check out a group I have put together on Facebook to start talking about how to get childcare at conferences. I am currently doing a cost-benefit analysis… because those are the kinds of things you need to do… to see if I can get childcare at a conference I deeply care about. Keep fighting the good fight.