It’s a Sign-really

I guess it’s this folks, if you find yourself looking at self-help articles late at night that are not for you, if you find yourself questioning the levels of your own sanity (taking into account your own mental illness levels), if you start agreeing with them that you are in fact wrong all the time (or jump to conclusions too fast, that rules you put in place years and decades ago as a way to protect yourself are okay to now break because “everyone is different”), if you find yourself excusing manipulation tactics because of someone else’s low self-esteem, self-deprecation personality (which you can help if you just tried hard enough and if you really loved hard enough and if you really mean it and if you are the as strong as you claim to be), if you find yourself spending hours everyday not only discussing but thinking about ways to help someone else (taking into account that you are not doing your own self-care and that these convos never center your own health or heart), if you change your normal habits to avoid fighting, if you find yourself writing notes to yourself as reminders of what has been said (“did this really happen??”), if you start writing notes to yourself on why this isn’t right and how something is just off-if your emotions and reactions are labeled as too much, too irrational, if your character is being challenged and coaxed gently or firmly to change, if conversations often leave you deflated, empty and more worthless than usual (taking into account your own levels of depression/low self-worth and self-esteem), if your past abusive relationships keep coming up in conversations as some sort of proof they are not like that and are led to believe after hours and hours of questions and questions-this is very different, so this means this is better–stop second guessing yourself. Yes, leave. Yes, go. Yes-say goodbye. Yes, it’s time. No, it’s not worse being alone. No, it’s not just your own neurosis. (We have lived with our neurosis all our lives, this is not it). Yes, all those things you think are signs

are signs.

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admin & queen at Hermana Resist Press
Noemi is a sirena, poet-curandera living in South Texas. A writer, cultural critic and historian, she enjoys paints, gesso, tattoos and eating.

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